Perfection

A lot of people have been telling me how pretty and how fun i am. But i don't believe any of that shit. I feel like when people say they love me they don't truly even mean it. At times i feel like the world is just a bunch of shit and that God brought us here to play stupid fucking games. Then again maybe my break down has to do with being depressed again. I thought everything was suppose to be going fine. that for once in my life that i could feel normal like everyone els. But i guess that would be boring right? to not have problems that need fixing. I'm not saying that fixing ur own problems is bad, but i would like a break from it. 15 years of solving my own and other peoples problems is to much. The thing that really kinda puts me on the edge is when people are telling me i'm skinny. I'm not fucking skinny, i know that and i don't really like being lied to. I also have an eating disorder i guess because i don't eat anything. But it doesn't seem like a problem to my counselor, i need to lose weight. Once i get almost under weight then people will see how i needed help then. Maybe I'm just freaking out about everything because i haven't self injured my self in like 2 months, but the problem is that now everything feels worse and me breaking down is bringing me closer to doing it everyday.
for once i wanna feel like the girl who has got everything and not many problems
-Melissa