Is this Happiness???

I'm surprised I've been talking to more people which is good because its better then not talking to anyone. I don't know what happened one day I'm talking to no one and the next day I'm some kind of social butterfly. I like it because i have more friends now which is always good, i still feel bored most of the time but I feel pretty happy in school now. Oh my gosh i had to give a speech today about my future career/life, i was so nervous, like i couldn't get the right words out of my mouth. Its just because I'm shy and that's only because i haven't talked to anyone in that class till now, I'm also doing pretty well in school i do my homework. I cant wait to see if I'll be like this in high school, i really hope i am because freshman year i need to make a lot of friends. mostly girls because i hang out with like all guys so yea, lately I've been finding myself to drink lots of Monster which is an energy drink if you didn't know that. I love music it's so beautiful i find it to have different emotions on me, i listen to my music all the time it puts me to sleep even if its some heavy metal song I'll fall asleep. this weekend I'm going to my aunts house for memorial day yea so I'm going there tomorrow after school, wow my life would be so much easier if i could drive i could hang out with my friends on the weekends and my mom couldn't really say "no" if i had my homework finished and good grades i can so not wait for that day hopefully i get invited to some wild and crazy party in high school that's one of my other goals. Like you know one of those parties were like the parents are out of town and the kid throws this insane party, yea i would be there. So i hope this happiness lasts forever cause i need it in my life. I HATE YOU ALL <3 :).

LEAVE OUT ALL THE REST

For some reason i think my depression is getting worse or better i don't know and i don't think i care. I'm starting to spray paint my room, which if my parents ever saw they would probably kill me. not to mention if my parents ever found out that i have a boyfriend that they don't approve of i would be again dead. I've been finding a lot of things my parents would kill for me. But i don't really give a dam anymore I'm 14 and i don't know if how I'm acting is normal, I mean my friends don't really act like that except my boyfriend witch is different I'm not going out with annoying Alden any more. And it kinda sucks but he was a loser so i had to dumb him. I love my new Boy friend he really sweet and hes not a loser, he can actually fight and hes athletic so i usually lose weight when I'm hanging out with him. we walk to my house after school like every day but then we go to Photo's for ice cream.I've also smoked once, it was okay but nothing happened i didn't feel like crazy or anything i just felt calm. i also now go to a therapist. He doesn't really do anything i mean i tell him all the bad stuff i do and he just wants to know more about it. its weird cause hes only gave me some advice and that was when my mom was in the room, so i think he was just trying to impress her with his so called knowledge and wisdom. You know what i don't think therapist really care what you problems are, they just want your money, just think about it they have other people talking to them about stuff and so I'm sure they really don't give a dam. That sucks though because the more i believe that the less i believe in therapy, and i think i need therapy because I'm kinda messed up but i cant get everything out that i want to say, which puts me no were. my thing is killing things now NOT PEOPLE OR ANIMALS!!! just like plants and nature i think its fun, it makes me feel powerful i also like destroying things maybe i do it to get out all the pain inside of me. okay i don't want to make this to long so bye. I HATE U ALL <3 :)