LEAVE OUT ALL THE REST

For some reason i think my depression is getting worse or better i don't know and i don't think i care. I'm starting to spray paint my room, which if my parents ever saw they would probably kill me. not to mention if my parents ever found out that i have a boyfriend that they don't approve of i would be again dead. I've been finding a lot of things my parents would kill for me. But i don't really give a dam anymore I'm 14 and i don't know if how I'm acting is normal, I mean my friends don't really act like that except my boyfriend witch is different I'm not going out with annoying Alden any more. And it kinda sucks but he was a loser so i had to dumb him. I love my new Boy friend he really sweet and hes not a loser, he can actually fight and hes athletic so i usually lose weight when I'm hanging out with him. we walk to my house after school like every day but then we go to Photo's for ice cream.I've also smoked once, it was okay but nothing happened i didn't feel like crazy or anything i just felt calm. i also now go to a therapist. He doesn't really do anything i mean i tell him all the bad stuff i do and he just wants to know more about it. its weird cause hes only gave me some advice and that was when my mom was in the room, so i think he was just trying to impress her with his so called knowledge and wisdom. You know what i don't think therapist really care what you problems are, they just want your money, just think about it they have other people talking to them about stuff and so I'm sure they really don't give a dam. That sucks though because the more i believe that the less i believe in therapy, and i think i need therapy because I'm kinda messed up but i cant get everything out that i want to say, which puts me no were. my thing is killing things now NOT PEOPLE OR ANIMALS!!! just like plants and nature i think its fun, it makes me feel powerful i also like destroying things maybe i do it to get out all the pain inside of me. okay i don't want to make this to long so bye. I HATE U ALL <3 :)